These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My vagina just recognized that song.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
