I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I could punch you in the face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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