Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
