Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
