i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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