where am i from again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
