Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The adults are the big ones right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
