Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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