The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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