pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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