Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
