Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
