As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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