I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
