i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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