Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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