I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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