and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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