I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
