Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
