I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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