Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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