just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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