i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
