shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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