I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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