saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
please come you make the beer taste better
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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