I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
