My sheets look like a crime scene.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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