Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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