girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
