Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
