the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
