After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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