My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
