i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
