ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
