The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
