Don't you send me to vm
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
