he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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