we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
