Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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