i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.