Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
