Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.

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(573): I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off. http://tfl.nu/hleo

Replies (16) Good night (2922) Bad night (563)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them

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(814): I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them http://tfl.nu/cf2l

Replies (12) Good night (702) Bad night (3504)
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(850): View more from Florida

Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

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(850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n

Replies (17) Good night (8018) Bad night (1061)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

(816): View more from Missouri

...... wtf.

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(816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx

Replies (25) Good night (7312) Bad night (1149)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

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(970): I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it. http://tfl.nu/cqfe

Replies (8) Good night (798) Bad night (6105)
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(937): View more from Ohio

She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.

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(937): She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life. http://tfl.nu/md1r

Replies (10) Good night (1636) Bad night (5215)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.

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(617): she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE. http://tfl.nu/mzqa

Replies (5) Good night (2609) Bad night (1231)
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(541): View more from Oregon

definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass

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(541): definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass http://tfl.nu/ukpo

Replies (6) Good night (1601) Bad night (741)
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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....

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(817): I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy.... http://tfl.nu/l8ba

Replies (8) Good night (1826) Bad night (647)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.

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(870): I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team. http://tfl.nu/hbuy

Replies (6) Good night (2054) Bad night (451)
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.

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(857): Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works. http://tfl.nu/hgbu

Replies (5) Good night (2099) Bad night (873)
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(248): View more from Michigan

So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"

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(248): So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal" http://tfl.nu/879f

Replies (6) Good night (1713) Bad night (717)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-

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(910): before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_- http://tfl.nu/01p5

Replies (2) Good night (1008) Bad night (429)
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(925): View more from California

You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!

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(925): You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here! http://tfl.nu/pvgq

Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (334)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

3 2 1 whiskey

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(414): 3 2 1 whiskey http://tfl.nu/jfg7

Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (204)

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