Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
