haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
