im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here