She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry