How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling