Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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