I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!