Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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  (503): The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator http://tfl.nu/5qfu
  Replies (37) Good night (647) Bad night (5421)
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  (626): View more from California

  You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

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  (626): You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I. http://tfl.nu/6sde
  Replies (9) Good night (6994) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.

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  (561): I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick. http://tfl.nu/378g
  Replies (74) Good night (11779) Bad night (1538)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.

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  (616): This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle. http://tfl.nu/b46q
  Replies (52) Good night (1976) Bad night (10288)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.

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  (724): i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand. http://tfl.nu/fmi9
  Replies (6) Good night (2378) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That's yours. We cut you off.

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  (715): Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off? (651): That's yours. We cut you off. http://tfl.nu/7df9
  Replies (3) Good night (3972) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.

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  (804): she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener. http://tfl.nu/h6je
  Replies (12) Good night (2200) Bad night (2773)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.

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  (612): i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese. http://tfl.nu/swul
  Replies (4) Good night (1743) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up

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  (404): You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up http://tfl.nu/mf69
  Replies (4) Good night (1017) Bad night (1718)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.

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  (267): i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man. http://tfl.nu/8n1a
  Replies (3) Good night (1494) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Faces of meth called, they want their look back.

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  (703): Faces of meth called, they want their look back. http://tfl.nu/3q15
  Replies (7) Good night (755) Bad night (1431)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.

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  (617): Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though. http://tfl.nu/qelj
  Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.

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  (773): The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group. http://tfl.nu/wtka
  Replies (2) Good night (856) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life

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  (219): I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life http://tfl.nu/kbbl
  Replies (4) Good night (460) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.

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  (785): THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED. http://tfl.nu/vewg
  Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (266)

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