Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
