I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
