two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
BRING THE BAGELS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
