i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
