Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
