All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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