ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
