i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
