so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
