wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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