I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
