We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
