We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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