I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
