just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
