She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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