I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
