no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
