Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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