After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
