walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
