She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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