Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
that is very illegal...i love you.
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