? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
