It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
