You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
