and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
