and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
