Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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