im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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