Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
