Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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