Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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